Eye Opening Question And Answer Session On Relationship And Marriage by Rev. Christie Bature: MP3 Download & Sermon Notes

Healing From Pain Without Closure

When there is a betrayal or hurt and the offender is dead, gone, or refuses to make it right, closure does not come from them, it comes from a decision you make.

• Grief and unresolved hurt must be processed, not suppressed. Suppressed pain does not disappear, it resurfaces in the body and in relationships.
• Forgiveness is not a feeling, it is a decision, and it can be made even when the offender never apologizes.
• Write out what you wish they had said or done. Grieve it. Then release it before God.

Signs You Need A Counselor

• You keep repeating the same painful pattern in relationships.
• You cannot talk about a past event without breaking down or becoming defensive.
• People close to you have pointed out a behavior you cannot see in yourself.

Counseling is not a sign of weakness, it is wisdom in the multitude of counselors.

Accused Of Being A Witch

Some people, especially older women, are wrongly labeled witches simply because of bluntness, independence, or the fact that they outlived people around them.

• Do not internalize an accusation that has no evidence behind it.
• Live openly, keep godly relationships, and let your life be the answer to the accusation.

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Handling A Mouthy, Violent Spouse

• Violence is not a communication style to be managed, it is a danger to be addressed directly, including seeking help outside the marriage where necessary.
• Do not stay silent to keep peace when your safety is threatened.
• Confront the pattern early with a mature third party present rather than waiting for it to escalate.

Breaking Generational Marriage Patterns

What you saw modeled as a child becomes what you unconsciously repeat, unless you deliberately identify it and choose differently.

• Name the specific pattern you do not want to repeat.
• Study what a healthy version of that same situation looks like.
• Practice the new pattern deliberately, it will feel unnatural at first because it was not modeled for you.

The Blood Of Christ Versus Spiritual Excuses

There is a tendency to blame every problem in marriage on a spiritual attack rather than take responsibility for character and choices.

The man among the tombs was possessed by many demons, yet when Jesus delivered him he was found clothed and in his right mind.

Mark 5:1-15

The blood of Jesus is enough. Stop hiding behind "the devil" for what is actually a character issue that needs to be addressed and changed.

Dealing With An Overthinking Spouse

• Reassurance must be consistent, not one-time, an anxious mind needs to hear the truth repeated.
• Give your spouse transparency, unexplained gaps feed overthinking.
• If the overthinking is severe and unmanageable, encourage professional counseling alongside the marriage.

A Husband Who Cheats And Neglects Responsibility

• Confront the behavior directly and specifically, do not talk in circles around it.
• Set a clear boundary with a real consequence, not an empty threat.
• Get godly, mature counsel involved rather than carrying it alone.

A Husband Who Held The Children Hostage After Separation

• Where children are being used as leverage, involve the appropriate legal and family structures, do not fight it out alone.
• Keep your communication about the children calm and documented.
• Protect the children from being made to feel caught between the parents.

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A Deceptive "Marriage For Papers" Situation

• If a relationship was entered under deception, that deception must be confronted honestly before anything else can be resolved.
• You are practicing polygamy is not something to be silent about. Full stop.
• Know your worth. You are either the only one or you are not part of a harem.

Raising Children Without Favoritism

1. Decide the standards of discipline in the house for each type of offense, and apply them consistently to every child regardless of age or size.
2. Some children are natural huggers and some are not, be intentional so affection is not unevenly distributed without you realizing it.
3. Small unconscious gestures, forgetting one child when buying gifts, more physical affection to one, send a message children notice. Esau and Jacob knew who their mother preferred though scripture never records a single interaction between Esau and Rebecca.

   Genesis 27

There is no perfect parent anywhere. Do not place yourself on a pedestal.

Communicating Convictions To A Partner Who Doesn't Share Them

If you hold the value of abstinence and waiting till marriage and your partner does not, that is not a relationship, that is a dictatorship you have agreed to.

Can two walk together except they be agreed?

Amos 3:3

He did not marry a minister, he married a person sitting quietly, and that person cannot suddenly become active in ministry after marriage while waiting quietly beforehand. Do not stay in a relationship where the basic principles of purity are already being violated, hoping the other person will change after marriage.

Regional And Generational Spirits Behind Behavior Patterns ("The Benin Man Syndrome")

There are spirits that control regions, nations, tribes, and families, and that influence behavior passed down within them.

When Daniel prayed, his answer was delayed by the prince of the kingdom of Persia standing against the angel sent to him.

Daniel 10:12-13

• Certain regions carry a documented spirit of promiscuity, others carry religious tension, others carry a strong pride in the men from that region.
• The idea of a dead relative "coming back" in a newborn is not reincarnation, it is a familiar spirit expressing the same pattern of behavior the deceased carried, since it is appointed unto man once to die.

  Hebrews 9:27

• No trait in any man will fully go down except he submits to Christ, you cannot change him, only God can unform and reform a man like a potter reshapes a vessel.

Stop generalizing and stereotyping an entire people by region, there are exceptions, and there are good marriages that deserve to be spoken of as much as the bad ones.