Making Your Marriage Work - 100 Days Of Discipleship - Day 89 by Apostle Emmanuel Iren: MP3 Download & Sermon Notes

Seeing the Diamond in the Rough

There is a concept drawn from the story of Michelangelo — how this brilliant sculptor found a stone that others had rejected because of its many difficulties, yet he saw in it something no one else could. From it he carved the image of David. David himself had said in Psalm 118 that the stone the builders rejected has become the chief cornerstone. Biblical marriage calls for the same kind of vision: seeing the diamond in the rough and being committed to bringing out the best in your partner.

To the husbands especially — and women have much to learn from this as well — there is a prophetic and priestly duty to bring out the best in the woman God has given you. The anchor text is Ephesians 5:25-27:

Husbands, love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her, that he might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that he might present her to himself a glorious church.

This is the Michelangelo concept. You do the work. You bring out the perfection in that situation. You sanctify, and then you present to yourself something glorious. Christ called light out of darkness — that same opportunity belongs to every husband.

The Power of Words in Marriage

It begins with the tongue. When God made the woman, he brought her to Adam to see what he would call her. There is a prophetic dimension in that act. When Adam looked at her and called her the mother of all living, that was priesthood at work. Every spouse has that same privilege — to speak life into their partner.

One of the most important things that prepares a man for marriage is learning to speak the right words to his wife. The careless tongue — saying things in the heat of an argument that are not meant — belongs to someone not yet ready for marriage. Women are not wired to absorb words thrown carelessly in anger, and men of this generation must understand that there are things that should never be said to a woman.

This principle goes even deeper. Abraham had been married to Sarai and they had no child. One of the first things God instructed was a name change — from Sarai to Sarah. Hebrew scholars observe that in the act of calling her name, Abraham was breathing out life and calling children out of a barren situation. That is a powerful principle: speaking life to what seems dark and barren, not based on what is seen, but from the standpoint of faith — calling the things that be not as though they were.

Death Alone Is Not Enough

Ephesians 5:25-27 presents two distinct aspects of what Christ did for the church: he died for her, and he cleanses her by the washing of water by the word.

The willingness to die for a spouse is admirable and important. But the truth is, most husbands will never face that literal moment. And here is something more surprising: not every man who is ready to die for his wife has a happy home. For many women, it is the simple things that matter most. They want to feel heard and prioritized. The big sacrifices alone are not sufficient.

The transformation of the church happened by two things — the death of Jesus, and the ongoing ministry of the word. In the same way, loving a spouse cannot stop at grand gestures. The daily, consistent speaking of wholesome, life-giving words is what sanctifies and transforms a relationship over time.

Keys to Speaking Life in Marriage

• Eliminate the word "always" from your criticism. Phrases like "you always do this" or "you always say that" are corrosive. Learn to give suggestions in an appreciative, constructive way. If the only feedback offered is criticism, there is a problem.
• Learn to say thank you — and mean it. When was the last time thanks were genuinely expressed for a meal, for being a good mother to the children, for managing the home? These things matter immensely and should not be taken for granted.
• Send texts of affirmation. This simple, consistent practice will make a marked difference in the health of a relationship.
• Notice effort and appreciate it. If a woman's efforts go unnoticed, there will be a problem. Learn to see and acknowledge what is being done.

There is almost no woman whose love language does not include words of affirmation. The words matter — deeply and profoundly. This applies in both directions: women must also learn to speak life over their husbands, to stop negative speech, and to call forth what they want to see rather than rehearsing what is wrong.

A good marriage will start from your words.

A lot of spirituality has to do with the tongue. Salvation itself comes through speaking words. Spiritual growth happens through speaking words. The discipline of the tongue is not optional — it must be consciously practiced and built into the rhythm of daily life.

The Bible way is this: Sarah still has no child, but Abraham is calling her mother of nations. That is prophetic faith in marriage. Speak what you want to see. Do this and see results.