How To Build Godly Relationships In A Broken World by Rev. Christie Bature: Sermon Notes

Relationships Are Under Attack

Satan is out on a rampage. And the worst or the heaviest part of his artillery is reserved for relationships. Not just marriage relationships — family relationships, friendships. I've seen friendships of decades just fall away because of one step that somebody took in that friendship arena. And it is because the enemy got through to the person and the person allowed themselves to be used.

Relationships are under attack and the reason is simple. If we're not at peace, if we're not happy, if we're not in companionship with people who are close to us, our minds will not be settled. How many of you have ever had a bad quarrel with somebody you love — family, friend, lover — and you left the place feeling great about your day? Nobody. Once you have a fight, the whole day is a mess. You may meet another friend, they crack a joke, you're laughing — in the middle of the laugh, you remember you had a quarrel with that person. And the laugh will vanish.

The enemy knows that if you're in that state, there's no way you can hear God. There's no way you can hear the instruction of God. There's no way you can chase after God.

God said it is not good for man to be alone — and please don't reduce that to only marital relationship. God was talking about human connections. And there is nothing wrong with needing people.

The Need to Belong

Do you know the reason peer pressure works? Peer pressure works because one of the fundamental human needs is being breached — the need to belong, the need to be accepted, the need to be embraced. When people feel excluded, it is a very painful place for humans to be. So in a bid to be included, they can throw away their values, throw away everything they know that is positive, just so they can feel included.

This is why it's so critical when raising children to teach them how to be strong alone. Otherwise, the need to be included will make them throw away every positive value you've taught them.

I saw a video of some children taken on a school excursion — about 8 or 9 years old. One of the stops was a mosque, and the Imam taught them how to pray as Muslims. All the children were on the floor with their heads touching the ground. One 8-year-old boy was standing ramrod straight. They said, "Why are you not bowing?" He said, "This is not how I pray. I'm not going to bow. I'm not going to put my head on the ground. That's not how I pray. I'm a Christian."

I felt so proud of that boy. This one has been raised to be strong enough to stand alone even when it's not popular. It's so important that we develop that kind of conviction about our faith.

Part of the reason Satan seems to be overrunning the nations is because we're not that resolute about our faith. When there are issues, we shift. When there are challenges, we move. But Christianity is a faith founded on inconvenience. If you're looking for convenience, Christianity is not the place to be. Jesus did not die on a comfortable mattress. He hung on a tree in the most painful and most embarrassing way a person could die — yet he didn't think it too much to stay there because of you.

Become the Right Person First

Many people focus on finding the right person while neglecting to become the right person. That's where I will start.

God is a prayer-answering God. So you spend all the time asking God to craft the perfect person — tall, handsome, rich, already made it, a prayer warrior, a leader, treats you like a queen. And God crafts that person. He tells the man, "Go to this church next Sunday. There will be a lady in a yellow dress — that's your wife." The man obeys. He goes. He sits at the back. The lady comes in wearing a yellow dress. But when she turns around... she's chewing gum.

"This can't be what God kept for this. She can't be the one. Lord, I'll take a rain check."

You spent all the time preparing the person and forgot to prepare yourself to be the kind of woman — or man — that would match such a person. And vice versa.

You attract what you are becoming. If you want a spouse with a servant heart, become servant-hearted. Instead of making a list of qualities you want in a future spouse, make a list of what God wants to develop in you.

Because your relationships don't work themselves by themselves. It is what the two people in the relationship bring into the relationship that determines the life of that relationship.

What God Wants to Build in You

What is God wanting to build in you? Because if you can't identify that, you are not ready for a relationship. If you think you're perfect, you're too proud for a relationship. You're too finished.

In any relationship, God uses the person you are in relationship with as an instrument. That person is God's sandpaper. Sandpaper smooths something out. But what happens to the sandpaper too? It's also losing something of itself. So both of you are sandpaper in God's hands for your spouse — to bring you to the measure of the stature of Christ. Now, the person God is using doesn't get away with it. They're also being sharpened.

For some who say, "Why should I say sorry? Why should I?" The other person is also not getting away with it. They're also being sharpened. Because you, too, you are annoying. Nobody is perfect.

But when the issue is that somebody is intentionally wicked, that's a different ball game altogether.

God Is a God of Families

Jeremiah 31:1: God said, "I shall be called the God of all families." Psalm 68:6: God setteth the solitary in families.

Your family is connected to God. Your home is connected to God. There is nothing the devil can do about it.

He loves me with an everlasting love — Jeremiah 31:3. John 15:13: Greater love has no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. 1 John 3:1: Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed upon us that we should be called the sons of God. John 13:1: Having loved his own that are in the world, he loved them unto the end.

God loves families. Your family is connected to God. There is nothing the devil can do about it.

Father, help me to begin to prepare. Help me to begin to align my mind for relationships. Help me not to become a victim of the broken generation that I live in. But by your grace, rise above it. Help me to become whole so that I can do a good job when I'm becoming one with someone. I don't want to be selfish. I don't want to be self-centered. Help me not to be a narcissist in my relationship. Help me to become the right person before seeking the right person. Let my character become better and better so that it can sustain a relationship. Help me in my season of singleness to wait in the real sense of the word — to possess my body in holiness, to treat my body with dignity. Father, your desire for us is that we are in relationships. We know the one who comes to interfere. We know the one who comes to interrupt. But today we come to you asking for your help. Help us to grow. Help us to become better as people so we can treat others better. Help us to develop the humility to look at ourselves rather than point the fingers at others all the time. Teach us to love like you love. In the name of Jesus we pray. Amen.