E-motions Part 3: Understanding Your Emotions by Pastor Kingsley Okonkwo: MP3 Download & Sermon Notes

Emotional Landmines

Emotions are real and God-given — Jesus himself affirmed their importance. He commanded us to love the Lord with all our heart, soul, mind and might. Feelings are not the enemy; the two dangerous extremes are people who obey every feeling and those who suppress all feeling. The goal is the middle: expressing emotion appropriately while managing it so it does not control your choices.

There are areas of emotion that can explode if left unmanaged — emotional landmines.

The First Landmine: Money

Most people are emotional about money. 1 Timothy 6:10 — the love of money is the root of all evil. Money itself is not the problem; getting emotional about it is. Families have been destroyed, friendships broken, and people killed — all because of money. Jesus said you cannot serve God and Mammon at the same time because money is an emotional issue.

The key to neutralising this landmine is to focus on God rather than money, and to give generously. Giving is the best way to detach your heart from money. Where your treasure is, your heart will be also. Give it — and your focus shifts to God as your source.

The Second Landmine: Sexual Passion

Sexual passion has a way of cutting off oxygen to the brain. The Bible is not ambiguous: the only prescription is to flee. 1 Corinthians 6:18 — flee fornication. 2 Timothy 2:22 — flee youthful lusts. Not walk away slowly. Not negotiate. Run.

Sexual passion is a worldwide problem — from heads of state to CEOs to clergy. It is not a church problem; it is a human problem. God gave us this passion to manage, not to surrender to. The CEO of a major food chain was forced to resign over a consensual relationship with a subordinate — his career built over decades, gone. This is what happens when the emotional landmine of sexual passion is not mastered.

Fornication and adultery are the same root sin — the only difference is marital status. Any sexual relationship outside of marriage is sin.

The Third Landmine: Forgiveness

Offense is one of the most powerful emotional time bombs. When someone you trusted — a friend, a partner, a church member — betrays or abandons you, the pain is real. Pastors are particularly vulnerable to this because they invest everything in people who may eventually leave without explanation.

Stephen, being stoned to death in Acts 7:55-60, knelt down and cried out: Lord, lay not this sin to their charge. He released his killers before he died — and the Bible records that a young man named Saul held their coats. Many believe that prayer was the seed of Saul's conversion. Holding someone in unforgiveness can be holding back the very person God wants to save.

You need to let it go. Even if it was abuse. Even if it was betrayal. Let them go — and let God deal with them.

Your Emotions Are Real — But You Can Control Them

Many people confuse the realness of an emotion with the right to obey it. A feeling being real does not mean it has authority over you. 2 Timothy 1:7 says God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind. Self-control is in you already.

The Spirit of the Prophet is subject to the Prophet — 1 Corinthians 14:32. You can regulate your own spirit. Stop telling yourself you can't. The people who master their emotions are not special; they have simply refused to give themselves excuses.

Three Steps to Controlling Your Emotions

1. Set your affections. Colossians 3:1-3 — set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth. You are the one who sets your own affection. Anything you do not love now is something you have not paid attention to. Human beings have the capacity to fall in love with things they focus on. A surfer who lost her arm at 13 to a shark was back surfing one month later — she had set her affection. You can fall in love with the Word of God, with prayer, with the house of God, if you deliberately set your focus there.
2. Act out what you need to do — not what you feel. It is easier to act your way into a feeling than to feel your way into acting. If the Bible says give, give before you feel like it. If it says forgive, forgive before you feel like it. The feelings will follow your actions. When you do not feel like going to church, get dressed and go — by the time you are in the service, the feeling has caught up. Act first. Feel later.
3. Ask God for help. Do not minimize prayer. The less spiritual you are, the more emotionally ruled you will be. Philippians 2:13 — God is working in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure. Prayer gives God room to rewire your desires. Short prayers count: Lord, I need your help. That is enough to release God's power in you.