8 Things Men Need To Marry And It's Not Money by Pastor Kingsley Okonkwo: MP3 Download & Sermon Notes

The Crisis of Declining Marriage

We are currently undergoing a crisis because the numbers of people getting married are reducing every year. Not only that — the age at which people are getting married is also rising.

Marriage is a very necessary part of life. One of the first things God himself said in the Bible is that it is not good for man to be alone. And his solution to that was to create marriage. To say marriage is unnecessary is to directly oppose the wisdom of God. He existed before the beginning. If God in his wisdom says it is not good for man to be alone, he is right — he is not making a suggestion, he is stating a fact. Usually it takes human beings years and years to catch on to God's wisdom when they could have just taken it from scripture.

Scripture says two are better than one. They have a better reward for their labor. If one falls down, the other can help him up. Marriage is honorable in all. He that finds a wife finds a good thing.

Why Marriage Matters Statistically and Scientifically

Every civilization, every thriving community is built on solid families. Once the family unit begins to break down, it is only a matter of time before the community breaks down. Family is the first point of call for every human being that enters the earth. When there is no solid family, a person is quickly introduced to abuse — sexual, drugs, and all kinds of destructive patterns.

For men in particular: men are project-driven. They have a lot of energy and they must direct it somewhere. When men get married, it helps them focus and builds a sense of responsibility quicker. Once a man is not married, the likelihood he will get involved in crime, gangs, drugs, and other self-destructive activities is statistically very high. Marriage is one of the things that gives men a sense of direction.

There is a refining, a finesse that comes out of a man when he is married. When a man is alone, he can be scattered — live in a dump and not care, spend all his money and never save, eat unhealthy. The moment a woman and children enter his life, a sense of responsibility comes with that. This is also statistically proven.

Children who grow up without their fathers have a high chance of ending in prison, low self-esteem, lack of focus, and general chaos. When there is no solid family structure, communities suffer.

The African Man's Broken Mindset

The African man is seeing marriage as a distraction because he does not understand it. He is looking for a liability — a homeless, helpless, jobless woman. And then he runs away from women who have jobs and have built themselves. That reveals a broke mindset, not a strong one.

The reason the African man is looking for a broke woman is because he has a broke mindset. A man who is whole is not threatened by a woman who is whole. Marry a partner, not a liability.

8 Things Men Need to Marry — and It Is Not Money

1. Vision

A man without vision has no direction. You cannot lead a home if you do not know where you are going. Before you approach a woman, you should be able to articulate where your life is headed. Women are not attracted to wallets — they are attracted to direction. A man with vision is magnetic. A man without vision is a burden to any woman he marries.

2. Maturity

Maturity is not age — it is the ability to handle responsibility. There are 40-year-old boys and 22-year-old men. The question is not how old you are but whether you can make hard decisions, manage your emotions, and take accountability. A woman is not looking for someone to mother. She is looking for a partner who is emotionally and mentally grown.

3. Character

Character is who you are when nobody is watching. A man who lies, cheats, and manipulates to get what he wants will do the same in marriage. Women who are spiritually sensitive will sense inconsistency in your character before you even open your mouth. Build your character before you build your bank account.

4. Emotional Intelligence

A man who cannot manage his own emotions will destroy his home. Anger, insecurity, ego — these are the real marriage killers. You must be able to listen, to communicate, to apologize, and to handle conflict without explosions. Women need to feel emotionally safe with you. If they do not feel safe, no amount of money will make up for it.

5. Spiritual Life

As a believer, you are called to be the spiritual covering of your home. If your prayer life is weak, your faith is shallow, and your relationship with God is performative, you are not ready. A man's spiritual life is the foundation of everything. Get rooted in God before you go looking for a wife.

6. Purpose and Work Ethic

You do not need to have arrived, but you must be going somewhere. A man who is not working, not building, not contributing is not ready for marriage. The Bible says a man who does not provide for his household has denied the faith. That provision starts with effort, not salary. You must be in motion.

7. Faith

Faith is not a feeling — it is a posture. It is the decision to trust God beyond what you can see.

When the decision was made to get married, there was no salary. The parents of the intended said they could not finance or support another wedding. The response was: we do not need your money. If you cannot support, that is fine — we will still marry. When you are filled with faith, you understand that God has resources.

Every step was taken by faith. The bride price list was three full scap sheets — including a live cow. When the list arrived, there were emotions running through. But faith always prevails. The list was worked through, friends were spoken to, cuts were made where possible, and one step after another was taken. The wedding ring was bought the day before the wedding with money her brother gave. Today that same couple has married on every continent.

What you need is faith. Your faith will always produce.

Matthew 17:20

You do not need a big wedding if you cannot afford one. Plan at your level. Do what you can afford and start. The money is not the issue — the doubt is the issue.

8. A Partner, Not a Liability

Stop looking for someone to carry. Stop romanticizing a woman who has nothing and brings nothing. Marry a partner. Someone who can work alongside you. Even in preparing for marriage, working together — she brings what she has, you bring what you have. That is partnership.

Women know what they want. It is the man who is confused. Women are not primarily after money. If it were only money, why are billionaires divorced? Women want everything — security, presence, character, love, and partnership. The man who understands this positions himself correctly.

Start Now

Stop making excuses. If you are a child of God, you have access to provision you cannot yet see.

The just shall live by faith. You can hear God's voice and make moves. You do not need a massive wedding. You do not need to wait until 42. Seasons matter. You cannot have children at any age. Science does not agree with that. Do things in the right season to enjoy them.

Start. By faith. One step at a time.

God has been providing. He provided for Abraham. He has been providing for people in difficult situations. Your doubt is keeping you — not money.