7 Forces Of Marital Breakthrough by Rev. Sam Oye: MP3 Download & Sermon Notes

Father, I ask for the blessing on this word and on this session. Minister to every one of us in Jesus the Christ's mighty name we pray. Amen.

Nothing Just Happens

Wherever you see relationships working, wherever you see someone getting married, wherever you see someone in a relationship that is working, write this down: Nothing just happens. No relationship, no marriage just happens. There are forces behind the workings of working relationships.

The truth of the matter is, if you don't look closely, you will think that some people are just lucky — that's why they are in relationship, that's why they are in marriage. The reality is that they may not be able to tell you, but there are forces they unconsciously activate that actually initiate relationships and keep the relationship into marriage.

Marriage is not a game of luck. Connection, divine connection is not coincidence. And even if we coincidentally connect, it will take more than coincidence to continue the relationship.

Settlement is never accidental. Proper Christian marriage is not accidental. It is process-driven.

There are forces that make relationships happen and there are forces that keep relationships happening. There are forces that sustain relationships for a long time, and at the same time there are forces that break relationships before they ever get started. There are forces that find expression through you and make somebody who has intention towards you change their mind.

Rebecca's Story: Forces at Work

It looks like it was luck that Rebecca just came to the well and the servant of Abraham looked at her. But there were forces that brought her to the well at a time when others don't come. It was not by luck that she saw the servant of Abraham and she honored them and served them. That was not a game of luck. It was a culture — the culture of service.

"I have been trained to honor people whether I know them or not. I have been trained to serve whether they take advantage or not. I have been trained. This is who I am."

She did not win his heart by luck. What she manifested was a culture — the culture of service. And from service, she moved to hospitality, exceptional hospitality — meeting them for the first time but treating them as kings.

She did not meet her husband by the well. She met people that she didn't know were connected to her husband. By treating them well, they connected her to her husband.

Self-importance may weaken your opportunity. You don't know who is around you. You don't know who is near you. The person you are sitting with is someone you have an opportunity to sell yourself well to, because the person knows someone you don't know.

Many are single because they don't value people. If there's anything that keeps many singles single, it is too much confidence in how they look. Your beauty pulls people to you, your handsome look pulls people to you, but your character repels them. So a person of low attraction but great character will be married before you are married.

The Seven Forces

There are seven basic forces behind working relationships, behind working marriages. Every working marriage, every working relationship is powered by forces you may see or you may not see — forces that even those who are in the relationship may know or may not know. What that tells you is that there are also forces that work against getting into relationships and marriages. If there are forces for, there must also be forces against.

Force 1: The Force of Preparation

You cannot move into the future if you are still trapped in the past. Still trapped in the issue of your former ex, trapped in what others had done to you, still trapped in your trauma, still trapped in insecurity, still trapped in low self-esteem, still trapped in fear, still trapped in a bad mindset and philosophy concerning men and women, still trapped in the pain of yesterday.

For Esther to be married — Esther 1, Esther 2 — the Bible made us understand that Esther, unlike the other girls who were in a hurry to show up before a man, took 12 months to prepare while other girls were in a rush to appear. They disappeared as they appeared because they were not prepared. But Esther appeared one night and she lasted for a long time. She appeared once and the king looked at her. The wise men of the kingdom said, "This one is the one." Why? She prepared.

Preparation is the foundation for longevity in relationship.

While others were jumping all over the place for dating, she spent time in preparation, emotional intelligence. She took time to work on emotional intelligence and then she began to work on herself. The mindset of a wife — because he that findeth a wife, let it be that when you are found, you are not a girl. You are not an independent-minded person. It is one thing that pushes men away — you look too independent.

You've been independent up till now. Begin to learn the language of interdependence. It is maturity to be interdependent, not codependent. Interdependent — understanding your uniqueness, but recognizing that with you alone, you cannot succeed to the peak. You need others. You need a man. You need a woman. Value the presence and the importance of somebody else in your life.

The way the kingdom of God works is this: God always prepares first and then comes to prepare who? What has been prepared. Whatever has been prepared for you, God comes to prepare you for what has been prepared for you. That is the way the kingdom works. Jesus said, "I go to prepare a place for you" — but right now, he left the Holy Ghost to prepare us to meet with him.

• Heal from heartbreak. Relationship is not the cure for heartbreak. You don't use relationship to cure heartbreaks. Take your time to heal.
• Let go of past relationships, past wounds, past traumas.
• Get new mindset to power your future.
• During preparation, you let God show you weaknesses in your life that can damage your future.

Father, open my eyes and show me potential behaviors, potential attitudes that can ruin my relationship and destroy my marriage. Open my eyes, please.

And God will answer. He will use somebody — you just tune in to television, as you tune in you just hear somebody saying that anger is killing you. Go for some sessions. Emotional intelligence. Go and sit down, work on yourself. Ask the Holy Spirit to burn in you the fruit of the spirit — love, joy, peace, patience, longsuffering, self-control.

Some people are not single because of bad luck. They are single because they are still tied to their ex in their minds. Some people are still single because they still carry trust issues into every conversation. Some people are single because they sabotage good people because of bad experiences with others in the past. Some people are still single because they are desiring who they are not prepared for.

Marriage will not fix my issues. Preparation will. Marriage will not fix your personal emotional challenges. It is preparation period.

The quality of marriage you want to have will be determined by the quality of preparation you have.

If the preparation is thorough, the future will be glorious. If you are prepared and you wait on God, you will also attract from God someone that God has prepared. Like will attract like.

Force 2: The Force of Instruction

Healthy and glorious marriages in the kingdom of God are voice activated. They are instruction driven. And instruction includes hearing God's voice above all other voices. Hearing God's voice must be cherished above all other voices. Your friend's voice, the voices of your friends must never be equal to the voice of your God. It doesn't matter how many of your friends are saying it is correct — if God's voice does not validate it, don't move.

Value God's voice. You are safer with God's voice. No matter how she looks, how he looks, no matter what he has, no matter where he comes from, no matter how much money she has or he has — please value the voice of God.

Isaac was in a land that didn't look like a place somebody should stay. And God said, "Isaac, for you — stay here. Stay with this land. Invest in this land." But it doesn't look like it. What will come out of it will shock you. All those who left it will be shocked when they start seeing what's coming out from it.

Spend time to hear his voice. The guy looks good. The girl looks good. But the question is — is it God? That it looks good doesn't mean it will be God. But if it is God, it will be good.

The force of instruction — instruction through the voice of God, instruction through mentors, instruction through spiritual fathers, instruction through the Word of God. Don't break instruction from the Word of God, because if you break instruction from the Word of God, it will break your world.

Secret courtship will create secret pain. Secret relationship will create secret heartaches.

Ruth entered into a relationship by instruction. It was Naomi that said to her, "My daughter, tonight, go to his place. Cross his path." Instruction. She had somebody in her life that she was accountable to. Somebody that could instruct her.

Some people keep repeating negative cycles in relationship. They don't listen to instruction. They reject correction. They allow their emotions to overrule their sense of judgment. Some people see the red flags but they ignore it.

You don't need more options. You need better instruction. Better instruction will save you.

Force 3: The Force of Socialization

You cannot be chosen if you are not seen. This is a place of connection. How can you be chosen if you are not seen?

Who would have married Esther if she was staying in her father's house and she never came for the contest? How would Rebecca have been married if she was at home when men were at the well?

Boaz said to Ruth, "I have been observing you. You are not like other girls who play around in the field with men. You are unique. You've been faithful at the beginning and you are faithful in the end."

The force of socialization means being visible in the right environment. Stop staying inside the house. Be approachable. Be relatable. Be available. Be likable. And being likable doesn't mean going around seeking validation. Show others that you like them.

What is not seen is easily forgotten. Stay in the face of people — you are not being cheap. Interact widely. Don't narrow your reach.

Every one person you are seated with today has minimum 10 people who truly believe in them in their immediate inner cycle. And every one person in their lifetime will influence nothing less than 10,000 people consciously or unconsciously. You are sitting with a powerhouse.

The reason you've not been married up till now is because the answer to your quest for marriage is not within the network you have kept for years. Your life won't change if your inner cycle doesn't change. Expand your network.

Until Naomi and her children came into the cycle of Ruth, she remained single. But the moment she connected with them, marriage came. That relationship ushered her to Boaz's field, that ushered her into the life of Boaz.

The potential for marriage is no longer within your immediate inner cycle. Otherwise, you should have been married. What we are doing for you is creating a new network. Cast your bread upon many waters. Don't limit yourself to the inner cycle that has not taken you anywhere in the last 5 to 10 years.

Never underestimate anybody. Looks don't tell what the future can offer. Value relationship.