Singles Without Scar by Pastor Lawrence Oyor: MP3 Download & Sermon Notes

Singles Without Scar

Isaiah 61:1 — The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me; he has anointed me to preach good tidings to the poor and to heal the brokenhearted. Whether you are scarred or unscarred, this service is for you. God has a complete package. This is your service.

On Growing Up Without a Father

"I have never had a father figure or someone I can talk to about sensitive things that require fatherly advice. It scares me because in relationships and marriage there is always an emphasis on having someone that can stand for you. My dad is not in the picture and doesn't want to be. What can someone like me do?"

Fathers instill identity. If you didn't have a present father or a father at all, you would have certain problems by default unless somebody else stood in. But one of the reasons for the church is to fill in the gaps that family left. That is why the church must function like a family.

You are not an orphan. The structure of the church is set in such a way that whatever was missing can now be filled. This is an instruction to all leaders — do not just see people as numbers. See them as sheep. Be a shepherd to everyone in your unit. Use your words intentionally, because the one place someone should find freedom must not become the place where wrong identity is further stamped in.

On Remarriage After a Fraudulent Marriage

"My husband was previously married and divorced but claimed it was only for papers. I discovered he was cheating with multiple women. After 8 years I went for a divorce. Am I allowed to remarry from a biblical perspective?"

The beginning of this story was built on falsehood. According to law, if falsehood was present from the start, the marriage was null and void. There was no valid marriage in the first place. If you have asked for God's forgiveness, he has forgiven you. Lay a proper foundation this time. Be mentored, be under leadership, make everything that has happened in the past plain to whoever you go forward with, so that before God and the law you are dealing with a good conscience — and move forward.

On Attraction — Does It Matter?

"Is physical attraction a requirement for marriage, or is peace and spiritual connection enough?"

The soul is involved in marriage, not just the spirit. Connection matters. There are women who truly had no connection with a person, and no matter what the person changed there was not even the smallest iota of connection. You cannot build a lifetime covenant on the absence of feeling.

However, you also need to understand what peace truly is. Peace is when, even if someone does not look as immediately appealing as you imagined, the person feels like home. The person feels like: I want to do life with you, and I will nourish and nurture you. True peace is not the absence of tension — it is the presence of settled belonging.

Many ladies confuse being in a safe environment with feeling peace with a person. They are not the same. Be honest with yourself.

On Healing from Childhood Sexual Abuse

"What are the active steps to take when healing from childhood sexual abuse and its impact on future relationships?"

For such a person, leave the question of relationships out of it first. Before you can give, you must be whole. Healing must come before relationship — not healing as a precondition for God's love, but as a foundation for your capacity to receive and give in covenant. The church community, consistent counselling, and the word of God are all tools in that healing journey.

On Individual Differences in Relationship

The devil is aware of individual differences in a relationship. Many conflicts in relationships are not spiritual warfare from outside — they are individual differences clashing. The enemy's strategy is to use those differences against two people.

To continually break relationships because of differences — which you will always have — is practice for divorce. Because now you are getting used to attachment and detachment. You feel it. It is like a part of you went. Some people do not recover from that at all.

This is why you need to ask: is this person genuinely toxic, or are we just experiencing the friction of two different worlds colliding? If it is the latter, it can be worked through.

On Waiting for a "Ready" Partner

Before you marry someone, look at their trajectory, not just their current position. Obama told his wife that if she had not married him, she would not be the First Lady. And she responded: if she had not married him, he would not have become President.

The woman was ready to not just marry a finished product. She knew what she brought to the table. The fear that a partner should be fully ready before you commit already reveals that you do not know the favor you carry. Two good heads are better than one. When two purpose-driven people come together, the compounding effect on productivity and results should be significant.

Closing Word on Singles Under Pressure

For anyone who is under pressure — the pressure you are under is understood. This problem is real and cannot be ignored. There are also fewer serious brothers than there are serious sisters in the body of Christ right now. That is a fact. But the issue will be resolved. God does not leave a righteous desire unmet.

In the meantime: do not waste this season. Not married is not the same as not moving. You are not wasting — you are just single. Marriage succeeds on love and adjustment. The faster two people adjust to each other, the sweeter it becomes. Submit love, and adjust. That is all.