What Nobody Tells You About Sex Part 3 by Pastor Kingsley Okonkwo: MP3 Download & Sermon Notes

Point 6 — You Are Not the Only One

Most of what I'm saying is not from a place of judgment. Whatever I share is based on scriptural principles, scientific facts, and statistical facts.

Point number six of what nobody tells you about sex: you are not the only one. Most people think you are the only one — no. Statistically, most people involved in sexual immorality indulge in it with more than one person. That's part of why it's dangerous and totally unhealthy. Statistically speaking, anybody having sex outside of marriage is usually involved with at least three people — averagely. Some way more, definitely some less, but already three. So everybody that's having sex has three people. Those three people also have three people. Those three people are having sex with three people — there's joining going on.

Some people are literally having sex with their neighbors they don't talk to. Somebody is having sex with their colleague they don't talk to — because that one is sleeping with someone who is sleeping with someone who is sleeping with someone you are sleeping with. It's a lifestyle. Most people are not having sex with one person. You are never the only one.

Point 7 — Not Everyone Is Doing It

This one is: everyone is not doing it. Many young people have been told that sex is no big deal, everyone is doing it — no. I'm here to tell you the opposite. It's not everyone that is doing it.

As funny as it may sound, there are still many people that are keeping themselves — many people that are virgins, many people that are doing it God's way. Don't be under the pressure or delusion that everybody is involved in it. There are many single people keeping themselves for marriage. There are many married people that have never cheated on their spouses.

Don't believe that cheating is normal. It's normal to be tempted — it is not normal to cheat. It's not normal to sin. It's normal to be tempted, but you don't have to do it.

As a marriage counselor, I believe I have married more virgins than non-virgins in my years of counselling and wedding people.

Point 9 — Sex Doesn't Build Intimacy

Sex doesn't build intimacy — it's intimacy that builds sex. If we remove sex from the table, it gives us time to know each other. It gives us room to develop friendship, to develop real intimacy. Because the moment you introduce sex, it has a way of changing everything. When you called that person and said I want to see you — he's thinking of sex. But if there's no sex on the table, he will see you as a person. He will connect with you as a person. So sex doesn't build intimacy — it's intimacy that builds sex.

Most people don't know that when you're married, you'll find out that it's the level of friendship and intimacy you have with your wife or husband that makes the sex enjoyable — not the other way around. When there's real intimacy, the sex becomes interesting. Marital sex is quite different from the sex single people have.

Sex has been overhyped for single people. For marital sex — it's intimacy, because remember you're going to sleep with this person for the rest of your life — 40 years, 30 years, 20 years. It's intimacy that builds sex at that stage, not sex that builds intimacy. So sex is not love.

Point 10 — Sex Is Not Good, It Is Great

Sex is not just good — it is great. Everything God has made is beautiful. Sex is naturally great. It has so many blessings to it. It only becomes bad when it is perverted.

Sex has health benefits, bonding benefits, it brings family together, it brings children. Sex is great. But however, if it is abused, it can become a challenge.

Many young people have been told that life is all about sex. No. Marriage is beyond sex, way beyond sex. In fact, when you get married and really get it going, you find out that you don't have sex that often. There's more to your family, more to your relationship than sex.

The abuse of sex can have long-lasting impacts in your life and even in that of your children that are born or unborn.

The Path Back: Come as You Are

God is not waiting for you to change before you come. He says come so that you can change. It's not waiting for you to stop sinning to grow spiritually. He's saying come and grow spiritually so that you can stop sinning.

You don't stop sinning to grow spiritually — you grow spiritually to stop sinning.

God always says come as you are. He doesn't want you to come perfectly. Even if you are somebody involved in prostitution, involved in promiscuity at a high level, involved in anything you are ashamed of sexually — God can heal you.

Galatians 5:16 — if you walk in the Spirit you will not fulfill the lust of the flesh. The principle is simple: walk in the Spirit and the flesh won't dominate.