How To Deal With Pain 2 by Apostle Femi Lazarus: MP3 Download & Sermon Notes

Bitterness Defiles Everything It Touches

Hebrews 12:14-15

"Follow peace with all men and holiness, without which no man shall see God — looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God, lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled."

The word translated bitterness in the original language means sharp or pointed — like an arrow. Bitterness has that quality. It punctures. And it defiles not just the person carrying it but everyone around them.

Nothing reduces spiritual weight like bitterness. There are homes and individuals struggling to fly because someone is nursing something they will never speak about and never forgive. There are marriages where a woman has decided — silently — that she is only present for the children. She is not connected to her husband. She may offer her body, but there is no connection. There are children who call their parents by title out of obligation while carrying unresolved things in their minds.

When matters pile up and issues go unaddressed, bitterness forms. Once it is there, it contaminates the internal environment. The relationship with God becomes contaminated. Flow stops.

Not forgiving is to be imprisoned while believing someone else is suffering.

One of the most important decisions a person will ever make is this: there will be no one powerful enough for me not to forgive.

Bitterness Costs You Your Sweetness

When a person is bitter, they lose sweetness — and sweetness is a form of strategic capital. Only God rewards the quality of the heart. Men honor sweetness. In all battles, the instruction is to maintain sweetness. Once it is lost, the ability to influence, to build, and to be received is severely compromised.

A specific warning: those who are anointed are not automatically exempt from bitterness. The pulpit can become a place of slaughter when a minister arrives with personal unresolved pain. The message that carries God is the one that contains him — not the minister's personal grievances. If the message is him, it will fly. If it is the minister's personal battle dressed in scripture, it is too heavy to go anywhere.

The devil will send people to ministries specifically to hijack the message — to make themselves the subject of the preaching through provocation. Wisdom forgives and lets go, not for the sake of the person who caused harm, but because bitterness grounds the very thing it was meant to propel.

The House of David — A Study in the Culture of Silence

2 Samuel 13

Amnon, son of David, fell obsessively in love with his half-sister Tamar. Counseled by a subtle friend named Jonadab, he lured her in, raped her, then immediately hated her with a hatred exceeding his earlier obsession — and threw her out. Tamar went to live in desolation at her brother Absalom's house.

David heard it. He was very angry. He said nothing. He did nothing.

Two years passed. Absalom said nothing directly either. But his silence was not peace — it was accumulation.

Two years later, Absalom arranged a feast and carefully orchestrated the killing of Amnon. David's house fractured. Absalom fled for three years. David eventually longed for him but never addressed what had caused everything. The culture of silence had become the culture of the house.

Years later, when Absalom returned and rose against his own father, the man whose counsel proved most dangerous was Ahithophel — David's most trusted advisor. 2 Samuel 23:34 reveals that Ahithophel was the grandfather of Bathsheba. David had stood on a rooftop, seen Bathsheba, taken her, slept with her, and had her husband Uriah killed. That same rooftop was where Ahithophel later told Absalom to sleep openly with David's concubines — because on that same place where David had taken his granddaughter, he wanted David's shame publicly exposed.

Ahithophel had counseled David faithfully for years while watching the king enjoy what had been forcibly taken from his family. Every day at the table. No word spoken.

Bitterness recruits bitterness. The men who joined Absalom's rebellion were the ones who also had unresolved grievances against David. They recognized each other. In every environment, the bitter find the bitter and begin to consolidate.

Nothing Is Truly Swept Under Any Carpet

Issues that are never resolved do not disappear. They grow. They wait. They find the perfect moment to emerge — and by then, what could have been addressed with a conversation requires a war.

We are very quick to call people monsters. But sometimes the monster was made. Sometimes the villains are heroes who simply stayed quiet. And the heroes we celebrate are smooth-talking people who did enormous damage that was never named.

David wronged people badly. And yet God's remark at the end of David's life — his summary statement — was still that of a man after God's own heart. 2 Samuel 23:1-2. Jesus himself, centuries later, still answered when someone called him Son of David. The next king in David's line came through the stolen wife.

People can wrong others badly and God will still use them. They may still finish well. They may have a bigger seat in eternity. Do not kill yourself over it. Do not let someone else's ability to get away with things be the thing that destroys the one they wronged.

The Three Faces of Every Life

There are three seasons in a person's life — morning, afternoon, and night.

• Morning — the face of beauty, radiance, and dream. The season of freedom to envision anything.
• Afternoon — the face of actualization. This is the season of work, of getting it done. Dream wrongly in this season and the night will have no rest.
• Night — the face of rest.

It is not age that determines which face a person is in. A person can be born at night because they were born into struggle. A person can be 80 and still be in the day. This is what the command means: "Honor your father and mother so that your day may be long." Not just your life — your day. A long life spent in the night is not the promise. The promise is a long day.

Exodus 20:12

Honor produces extended seasons of visibility, fruitfulness, and provision. Bitterness shortens the day regardless of how long the life continues.

Respond, Do Not React

There are people who have been deeply, legitimately wronged. The offense was real. The damage was real. But the response to the offense is now killing what the offense could not — because bitterness has taken over and is consuming the very purpose the attack was trying to prevent.

The injury was the attack. Do not let the reaction to the injury become the second attack.

The people who are not happy about a person occupying their space need that vacancy. Staying bitter gives it to them. Keep showing up. Keep being sweet. Keep being a blessing. It is not naivety — it is strategy, and it is the only one that works.

Father, I receive grace to let go. Whatever has been held in — the names of those who caused harm, the weight of what was done — I release it now. Not because they deserved to be released. But because I refuse to let bitterness be what grounds me. Every wound that has been a legal right for the enemy to operate — it is closed now. Every source of pain, anger, and bitterness is out of the way. Those wounds are healed and healed forever. You will not be stagnated. The day will be long. The purpose will be completed. In Jesus' name, we have prayed.