The Power Of Effective Communication by Pastor Anwinli Ojeikere: MP3 Download & Sermon Notes

Wisdom Is the Principal Thing

Proverbs 4:7 Amplified Classic — The beginning of wisdom is: get wisdom. For skillful and godly wisdom is the principal thing. And with all you have gotten, get understanding, discernment, comprehension, and interpretation.

Even if you love your spouse and don't have wisdom, your marriage can be destroyed. Wisdom is the most important thing — and it says the beginning of wisdom is to get wisdom. You don't wake up and have wisdom. It doesn't fall on you automatically. It is something you must constantly ask God for and actively pursue — especially the wisdom needed for communication.

The reason many marriages fail is that couples do not understand effective communication. Many couples talk but do not communicate. They talk but do not pass an effective message.

What Happens Without Communication

A woman once came to minister. As a surprise gift, she was given fuel in a jerrycan. The house help, not having been told what was in the can, assumed it was palm oil and placed it next to the cooking gas in the kitchen. Only a phone call that confirmed what was inside prevented a disaster.

If someone had simply said, "We got you fuel," the whole thing would have been avoided. That is what lack of communication does in marriage. The good you intended turns into a crisis.

Why Communication Matters

• It prevents misunderstanding and wrong assumption — never assume your partner knows what you mean
• It keeps couples emotionally connected — even amid quarrel, if you keep communicating, you remain connected
• It resolves marital conflict — you cannot resolve conflict through body language alone; you must say it

There are couples who have been married for over 16 years who never communicated about basic intimacy needs. They were doing what they were doing but never asking questions, never checking in. People are dying every day in their homes because they think they are talking but they are only bearing themselves in silence.

Communicating Wisely — Even Difficult Things

As a pastor stepping into a new church role, certain expectations would change for the woman he was in a relationship with. Rather than imposing a demand, he communicated the assignment — sharing his own vulnerability in how he found himself in the role, affirming what he loved about her, and framing the change as a shared sacrifice for the kingdom. She bought into the idea immediately.

Manipulation is not communication. You can make a person comply through pressure, but compliance is not agreement. Real communication creates buy-in, not submission.

How you deal with in-laws also comes down to communication — your manner and how you present things. Many in-law problems are not truly about the in-laws. They are about how messages were communicated or misread.

Rules for Communicating in Marriage

1. Let your goal always be a peaceful one. Romans 12:18 — If possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace. You are not trying to prove who is right and who is wrong. You are aiming at peace. Sometimes you will be the one to initiate resolution. That does not make you weak — it makes you mature. It is not always about who is the head in that moment; it is about who is mature enough to move toward peace.
2. Be honest with what you are saying. A lot of couples beat around the bush. Come straight. Admit when you are wrong. Many conflicts escalate because neither party will say clearly what they feel or what happened.
3. Do not use harsh or unwise words to score points. Even truth must be communicated with grace. You can state the truth and lose your listener in the same breath. Choose your words intentionally.

Communication as a Pastoral Skill

As a couple journeys together, communication is one of the most important skills — and nobody retires from being a student in marriage. As long as you are in it, you keep learning. It is out of your being a student that you actually understand what you need to understand. So keep growing, keep asking God for wisdom, and keep communicating.