Practical Tips For Building Strong Intimacy by Pastor Mildred Kingsley-Okonkwo: MP3 Download & Sermon Notes

Marriage as Partnership in Destiny

Marriage is partnership in fulfilling destiny. It is not by force, but those who enter it must understand what they are signing up for. God started marriage, and the principles that guide it must come from God — not from social media.

The Power of Choice

Ladies determine the outcome of marriage because they are the ones who choose. Women are not helpless. When someone approaches, honest questions must be asked: Is this the kind of person I want to reproduce? When choosing a spouse, you are not just choosing a husband or wife for yourself — you are choosing a father or mother for your children.

The person you marry determines whether you get a prayer partner or a prayer point. If you marry a troublesome spouse, your prayers will be warfare instead of thanksgiving. You cannot marry an unbeliever and expect them to behave like a Christian. An unbeliever's father is Satan, and a father-in-law visits his son's house.

Marriage is not being taught from social media. God started marriage, and his principles must govern it. 1 Timothy 4:1-3 warns that in the last days, people will depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits — including those forbidding marriage. The person shouting loudest is not always right.

What Men Say When They Say "I Do"

I will love her — Ephesians 5:25 says husbands should love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it. This counters the natural selfishness of men. Men are transactional — they will never do something with no benefit. But marriage calls a man to lay down his life and put his wife first. When a man says "I do," he is pledging to stop being selfish.

I will lead her — Matthew 20:25-28 teaches that true leadership is servanthood. The head of the home is not a position of dominance but of responsibility. Leadership means taking the lead in parenting, protection, prayer, and provision. God's plan is for the man to be the priest of the home — presiding, providing direction, and protecting. A wife who cannot come to her husband for spiritual covering has no real head of the home.

I will learn her — When a man says "I do," he pledges to spend the rest of his life learning his wife: what she wants, what makes her happy, how she can grow. 1 Peter 3:7 warns that if a man does not dwell with his wife with understanding, his prayers will be hindered. Misaligned love languages cause distance — a man providing gifts when his wife needs quality time will always miss the mark.

What Women Say When They Say "I Do"

I will help him — Genesis 2:18 (Amplified) says God made the woman to be a helper, one who balances, complements, and suits the man. The assignment is to help where he needs it. Women are created to help, and complaining about a husband's weaknesses is complaining about the assignment. Your job is to love your husband and train your children — not love your children and train your husband.

I will honor him — Ephesians 5:33 (Amplified Classic) commands the wife to respect, reverence, notice, regard, honor, prefer, venerate, esteem, and admire her husband. This is not punishment — it is the secret to managing men. God is giving the blueprint: notice him, ask what is wrong, call him by name, affirm him. Men are wired to respond to honor.

I will be his hero — Be the biggest champion of your husband's cause. Men need someone to help them reach their destiny. Abigail interceded for David's calling, protecting him from bloodguilt before he became king. Discover your husband's dreams and champion them. Pray for him because there are things God will reveal to you about your husband that will help you shape his future.

The Order God Designed

God has given marriage a structure: the head of the woman is man, the head of man is Christ, and the head of Christ is God. Submission is not about equality — it is about order. Ranking does not mean lesser value. God does not force anyone to submit; he says choose the person you can submit to, and then submit.

The real problem with submission is that people choose wrong. A woman who is pampered, loved, and cared for by a man submitted to Christ will never have trouble submitting. When your husband's decisions come from a place of love, submission becomes natural.

The Foundation: Holy Spirit and Prayer

Marriage cannot be done without the Holy Spirit and prayer. These two must never be neglected. God will reveal things to a wife about her husband that will guide her intercession. Marriage, when understood as ministry to God, is treated with the same seriousness as tithing. It is not to be played with.