E-motions Part 4: Managing Your Emotions by Pastor Mildred Kingsley-Okonkwo: MP3 Download & Sermon Notes

God Has Given Tools to Manage Every Emotion

God has given tools to manage every emotion — and there is a wide range of emotions. Some people are naturally more emotional than others. Personality types affect how deeply things are felt. Melancholies, for instance, will think about a hurt, meditate on it, until it consumes them. Cholerics won't understand what the fuss is about. Sanguines will find someone else to enjoy life with. Phlegmatics will wish for peace. Understanding your emotional makeup is the beginning of managing it.

Every single emotion that you can possibly have — God has given you a solution to it in the word. Whether it is anger, sadness, fear, or the impulse toward revenge — Scripture speaks to all of it.

The Problem with Anger

The problem with anger is not the feeling — it is the action taken in anger and its consequences. That is why the Bible says in Ephesians 4:26: "Be angry and sin not. Do not let the sun go down on your anger." God is not denying that we have emotions. Emotions will always be with us. But we have to learn how to manage them, or they will destroy our lives.

Anger in itself is a spirit — it comes and takes over your entire being, shutting down your senses. One moment of unmanaged anger can define a person's public identity for a lifetime. Even if they go on to build orphanages, they will always be remembered as the person who acted out of anger. It is not the feeling God has a problem with — it is what you do with the feeling.

The Landmine of Unforgiveness

When discussing forgiveness, there are two categories of people:

• Those who say they have forgiven — but if an opportunity arises to do the offender back, they will take it.
• Those who say they have forgiven but will never forget — whether you pretend to forgive or you forgive in your mind but still meditate on it, in the eyes of God it is the same: unforgiveness.

Forgiveness doesn't come naturally to many people. The flesh will always fight against God's instruction to forgive. But if you are going to be a Christian — a genuine one — you have to live out the word. You cannot be a successful Christian outside the Word of God.

Unforgiveness Is Also a Sin

God is a righteous judge. He punishes sin — irrespective of where it is coming from. He is no respecter of persons. When someone offends you and you do not forgive them, you put yourself in the line of punishment alongside them. Their offence is sin. Your unforgiveness is also sin. Sin is sin. Unforgiveness, pride, laziness, addiction, gossip — God's scales weigh them all the same. So God is saying: don't put yourself in the line of judgment. Release them — so you can go free.

As Romans 12:17-19 says:

• Never hold a grudge or try to get even.
• Plan your life around the noblest way to benefit others — including those who have offended you.
• Discover beauty in everyone — even those who have hurt you.
• Don't mistreat someone who has mistreated you.
• If someone does you wrong, don't try to pay them back by hurting them.
• Beloved, don't be obsessed with taking revenge — leave that to God's righteous justice.

Romans 12:20: "If your enemy is hungry, buy him lunch." Overwhelm them with kindness. This does not mean becoming close friends with them — but if they ever need you, be available.

Forgiveness is also a sign of faith. When you refuse to forgive someone, what you are saying is: you do not trust God's judgment. You do not trust that He is a fair and just God. You do not believe He will keep His word. Forgiveness says: "God, I trust you. I know you are a righteous judge. This person will receive what they deserve — it doesn't concern me."

Stephen and Jesus: Models of Forgiveness Under Fire

Stephen, being stoned to death — in pain, with blood flowing — prayed: "Father, do not lay this sin to their charge." The people had not apologized. They were still throwing stones. That is the standard. You don't wait for an apology before you forgive.

Jesus, on the cross — after healing their children, feeding them bread and fish, raising their dead, and being repaid with betrayal, spitting, slapping, and crucifixion — said: "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." He was fully man and fully God. He felt everything we feel. He was tempted at every point. Yet he managed himself. That is managing your emotions at the highest level.

Compensation Follows Forgiveness

Romans 12:20-21: "Your surprising generosity will awaken his conscience and God will reward you with favour." When you do good to those who have done evil to you, God rewards you. One thing learned through years of walking this out: forgiveness is how your hand is kept open. You cannot receive anything new until you let go.

A woman who spread a false rumor — saying Mildred was taking birth control and had put a law in the church that no one could get pregnant in their first year of marriage — went so far as to tell her elder sister and her mother-in-law. God said to forgive. God said to pray for her. So she carried that person's picture in her Bible and prayed over it, asking God to bless her — praying for her children, her business, her family. Every prayer she had not yet prayed for herself, she prayed for this person first. Her flesh fought it every step of the way. But as she kept praying, the flesh grew weaker and the spirit grew stronger.

Eventually, the love came. Not a decision to tolerate — actual love. That is what God can work in you when you obey the word.

Don't Let People Change Who You Are

The point is this: don't let people cause you to become evil just because they are evil. When someone offends you, your response should be what the word says — not what your flesh demands.

1 Corinthians 13 says love keeps no record of wrongs. Love is not easily offended. And love is your greatest weapon — when you fight with love, God always fights for you.

People will offend you. People will give you every reason to hold unforgiveness and anger. But God expects you not to be led by your feelings — but to manage them.

As you rise to your feet: the peace that passes understanding is yours. The compensation of God is real. You are releasing every offense tonight — and as you let go, your hands are opened to receive. In Jesus' name.