Marriage and Character: How to Choose a Spouse - 7 Keys from Pastor Kingsley & Mildred Okonkwo
The person you marry will either be your greatest blessing or your longest regret.
In a world obsessed with looks, money, and chemistry, Pastor Kingsley Okonkwo and Pastor Mildred Okonkwo of David’s Christian Centre teach one truth: Prioritize character over everything else when choosing a spouse.
This article breaks down biblical wisdom, practical questions, and red flags to watch for so you can choose a spouse whose character will build a marriage, not break it.
Why Character Matters More Than Chemistry
Pastor Kingsley Okonkwo says: “Apart from being in Christ, make sure the person you are choosing has character.”
Just because someone is in church doesn’t mean they have encountered Jesus. You can meet in church, but have they entered into Christ?
The person you will live with after the wedding is *character*.
It’s not enough to love Jesus. They must love the *principles of Jesus* and have a Christ-like character with a willingness to obey Him.
As the saying goes: “The eyes recognize beauty, but wisdom recognizes character.”
That’s why Proverbs 4:7 says, “Wisdom is the principal thing.”
7 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Choosing a Spouse
Before you say "I do", ask these:
1. Can she build a home? Before asking if she’s beautiful. Beauty fades, but character builds.
2. Can he protect you? Before asking if he’s handsome. Looks fade, but responsibility remains.
3. Will this person be loyal to me? Even when no one is watching.
4. Can this person forgive me no matter what? Marriage needs grace.
5. Will this person choose the marriage over ego? Pride destroys homes.
6. Is this a marriage your children will learn from? Not just one someone will praise on Instagram.
7. Do they have a Christ-like outlook on life? How they see people, money, and problems matters.
“A peaceful home is more valuable than a beautiful face. A faithful partner is more valuable than a perfect body. A respectful spouse is better than temporary attraction.”
Red Flags: Character Flaws to Avoid
According to Pastor Mildred Okonkwo
Don’t ignore these warning signs. Marriage doesn’t change people - it amplifies who they already are.
1. No Vision: Don’t choose someone who is “blind” — no direction, no goals, no purpose.
2. Insecurity & Jealousy: You should feel comfortable and safe, not policed.
3. Immaturity: Can’t make decisions or take responsibility.
4. Abuse: Anyone who talks down to you, hits you, or abuses you verbally, emotionally, or physically.
5. Hot Temper: Cannot control anger. This will destroy peace in the home.
6. Unfaithfulness: Flirtatious habits and lies before marriage will only get worse after.
Characters to Look Out For in a Spouse
Instead of just looking, look for these:
1. A Believer: Born again and submitted to the Holy Spirit.
2. Teachable: Willing to learn, receive correction, and grow.
3. Loving: Someone who loves you with Agape and Eros love. A genuine connection.
4. Visionary: Sees who you can become. Sees possibilities in you and supports them.
The Biggest Mistake Singles Make
Pastor Kingsley Okonkwo taught in his message _“Mistakes Singles Make in Choosing a Spouse”:
“It is not a fool that fails in marriage. It is someone who isn’t paying attention and refuses to learn. You can be rich and still fail in marriage. Pay attention. Learn. So you can have a harvest.”
Paying attention and learning is part of character.
Also, define the relationship early.
If it’s heading toward marriage, ask: “When?” Don’t drift.
Conclusion: Choose Character, Not Just Looks
Never allow physical things to make the decision for you.
Physical things may make your marriage an envy to others, but it is character that makes the marriage survive.
Choose wisdom. Choose character. Choose a spouse you can build with.